What Happens in Maths
by xshoebugx
Summary: Co-written with Mopcat and two friends. A story we wrote in Maths because we were bored. Please read it and tell me if it makes you giggle. Or have a go at us for wasting perfectly good time for maths. Whatever floats your boat. sex and swearing and stuff


This was co-written by Mopcat and two friends (so that's four) in a Maths class.

This is what we do best. Be totally ridiculous.

I hope you have a little bit of a giggle or something.

: )

The BFBG's

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Once upon a time there was a little boy who wet by the name of Edwin Masen Cullen.

The thing about Edwin Masen Cullen was that he loved sex. Like seriously, it was all he thought about. If you were, I don't know, let's say a vampire who could read minds, then all you would hear is sex, sex, sex.

One day, Edwin Masen Cullen was walking along thinking about, you guess it, sex. On his walk he came across a beautiful girl and for the first time ever he stopped thinking about sex. Then he saw a man walking down the street that had no shirt on and he started thinking about sex again. This was weird because not only did he start thinking about sex again, but his pants grew a little tight which scared the shit out of Edwin.

This scared Edwin because he thought he was a 100% boobs man. It appeared to him though, that after that moment when he saw that man with no shirt on he became a boobs and balls man. This just made him confused. So he thought to himself, 'I should go talk to my girlfriend (who also happened to be his cousin) Tanya.'

So he went to his girlfriend/cousin's house and went into her bedroom. He was going to tell her to get naked so that he could sex her up a little bit. It turns out though, that she was already naked and with another...

...woman?

Edwin stared in shock while his girlfriend/cousin Tanya continued to have sex with the girl who lived next door. Watching the two girls fuck made Edwin think of that shirtless man he walked past all those minutes ago.

After joining the girls for the most erotic and threesome he had ever experienced because they tied each other down and teased each other and the girls made out just for Edward and ever so often when one of the three got a bit nervous about the whip someone else would pop up and supportively say, "Sticks and stones might break my bones, but whips and chains excite me." That helped the person get over it and they continued. At the end of all this erotic sex Edwin admitted to Tanya and the girl who lived next door that the whole entire time he had been thinking about the man.

Oh that man, which his juicy beer gut, his shiny, bald head, his hairy chest, his amazing snail trail and his beautiful hairy armpits. It was all so juicy and deliciously hot. He couldn't handle the fact that the girls were girls and had vaginas so he turned to the dog.

Just at that moment I wanna fuck a dog in the ass by Blink 182 came on the radio. So that's exactly what he did.

Once he was finished with the dog, Edwin looked down the street and his mind once again went to the man that he has seen on the street. Then he got really excited when he saw the man was walking down the street once again. He decided he really needed this man so he went up to him and put a sack over his head before taking him back to his house and raping him in every single possible way imaginable. It wasn't really rape though, because secretly the fat man liked it.

Unfortunately the man had been raped so hard that he was dead. So Edwin put him in the bin and went down the road to the local transvestite shop and bought everything he could need to look like a girl. Once he was all girly looking and ridiculous he went down the road to a male strip club where he saw his cousin/girlfriend getting a lap dance. He went over to her and asked if she had any lesbo friendos that would give him/her a lap dance and let him dry hump them because his dick was so saw from all the raping he had done that he could only manage dry humping. It's almost as good as fucking, but not quite.

His cousin/girlfriend didn't recognise him but went along with it anyway. It turned out though that she had a hot friend that was gayo, instead of lesbo, but that's alright, because he was tall, thin and had amazing brown hair. His name was Luke.

So after he got his lap dance and dry hump and was really, really tired he went to the bar to get a drink and take a seat. While he was sitting there he overheard a conversation that two bisexuals were having. As he listened some more he found out that their names were Jasper and Emmett.

Jasper and Emmett were quite strange; he initially thought that they were fighting over whose penis was bigger and which position lead to the most pleasure for both (or all) parties. After her joined the conversation though he found out they were talking about some small girl who was going to have a threesome with them. This small girl was called Alice. Alice turned up five minutes later and Edward was shocked and turned on by all three of them making out. So he walked up to them all and said, "you guys must have all grown up on a farm, because you sure know how to raise a cock!" Then he joined in. Edwin joining in with Emmett and Jasper turned Alice off so she left, but not before telling them that they were all BFBG (big fat bi giants).

They weren't particularly hurt by this comment so they went to catch up with Jasper and Emmett's friends Bella and Rosalie. Who happened to be friends with Alice, so Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Bella and Alice were all in the same place. Edwin was so excited to see them that he threw up he was so excited. Alice once again left because of something he did and he decided that throwing up was beautiful, but not quite as beautiful as penis. So everyone who was left went to Edwin's house.

At Edwin's house Rosalie and Bella partied like it was 1999, it was amazing. Shortly after three amazingly hot boys called Jacob, Embry and Quil turned up and revealed that Edwin was actually EdWARD! This name change made Bella instantly fall in love with him and they proceeded to snog each other senseless.

Meanwhile Rosalie played strip poker with the hot boys. This turned everyone on so much that all the bi's (undecided's) turned either gay or straight.

FINALLY!

the end.

* * *

please excuse the awfulness of this.

this is a bunch of girls having a giggle during maths.

review.

or tell me that it's total shit.

whatever floats your boat.


End file.
